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24-Mar-2017



Doctor Caution

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. “Is it true,” she wanted to know, “that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?”

“Yes, I'm afraid so,” the doctor told her.

There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, “I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked ‘NO REFILLS’!”


Notes About Aging

Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. This is so true.

I love to hear them say, “you don't look that old.”

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for (mostly because we forgot why we were waiting in line in the first place!!).

When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper…
It's worse when you forget to pull it down!


Getting Your Priorities Straight

Two guys, one old, one young, are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they collide.

 

The old guy says to the young guy, “Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going.”

The young guy says, “That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate.”

The old guy says, “Well, maybe I can help you find her. What does she look like?”

The young guy says, “Well, she is 27 years old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, is buxom & wearing no bra, long legs and is wearing short shorts. What does your wife look like?”

To which the old guy says, “Doesn't matter… Let's look for yours!”


Joining The Circus

A husband and wife who work for the circus go to an adoption agency.

Social workers there raise doubts about their suitability. The couple produces photos of their 50-foot motor home, which is clean and well maintained and equipped with a beautiful nursery.

The social workers raise concerns about the education a child would receive while in the couple's care.

“We've arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin and computer skills.”

Then the social workers express concern about a child being raised in a circus environment.

“Our nanny is a certified expert in pediatric care, welfare, and diet.”

The social workers are finally satisfied.

Then they ask, “What age child are you hoping to adopt?”

“It doesn't really matter, as long as the kid fits in the cannon.”






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